This
blog is an attempt to fulfill that by sharing several white lies that led to a
bigger lie. This is a true story and an example of what I achieved or didn’t
with a website, some blog posts, a podcast and statements of gleeful
accomplishments. I hope in writing this, some of you may respect my honesty,
while I recognize some may just call me a fraud, and yet others will say I told
you so. Regardless, I will take this failure on the chin with the same
perspective I have taken with other failures: Getting knocked down is the easy
part, but staying down is what I find difficult.
______________________
WHEN
IT ALL BEGAN:
In
the summer of 2014, I
had an early mid-life crisis. I was turning 40 in September and was feeling
unfulfilled and wanted to run my own business. At the time I was working at
Saint Joseph's University. A great place full of great people, but I had an
internal fire driving me to do something different, to be an entrepreneur.
So,
I began completing a business plan for a multisport retail store that combined
the retail with a cash-based physical therapy, along with spinning, running
analysis, swimming analysis, corporate wellness and the lot. To Mary's (wife)
dislike, I spent a significant amount of time creating the most beautiful
spreadsheet ever. A change in numbers in tab 1 changed the projections in tab 2
and the break-even point in tab 3. It still gets me warm and fuzzy inside. I
created pitch deck, met with a commercial real estate broker, retail designers
and even pitched the idea to several potential angel investors.
After
getting, "I would not touch retail with a 10-foot pole" response from
potential investors, I decided to try to self-fund the endeavor. I found a
company that allowed me to pull out my 401K (limited tax implications) and
finance the whole thing myself. I was estimating that to get the final product
where I wanted it, I would need about 500K, and so if I could get 1/2 the
capital myself, the bank would give me the other 1/2. So, in the fall of 2014,
Mary and I were having a "heated" debate about the possibility of
liquidating our 401K. What I mean by heated was Mary was on the couch crying,
and I was sulking because she said no.
So,
being somewhat resourceful, and resolute on starting a business, I looked at
the proposed business plan to determine if there was something that I could do
that was lower risk. The one vertical in the business plan which jumped out at
me that didn’t require physical capital and only mental capital was corporate
wellness. One problem, I did not know a damn thing about it. That did not stop
me from creating Brave Endurance Corporate Wellness. Like many businesses, it
started off as one thing but evolved into what it is today: A corporate
wellness consultancy.
So,
I launched the website and created the podcast, Brave Endurance Wellness
Podcast. My thought was since I do not know anything about the industry, I
should talk to those that do. I also realized that if you give individuals an
opportunity to talk and ask insightful questions they will. The podcast, by all
accounts, was successful. I spoke to all the major consultants, book authors,
CEOs and more. It was great! In fact, many of those interviews are in my
forthcoming book. I was achieving the intended goal of the podcast, build my
network, get some doors to open and let the business roll in.
However,
the only thing that rolled in was tumbleweeds. However, this did not stop me
from talking, acting, and writing like I had a thriving consultancy. I was
using the philosophy, fake it until you make it. I expected 2015 to be slow,
but in my head, in 2016 the business was going to take off. People now know me
and would love to have an individual with a Ph.D., and a new perspective on
corporate wellness to come in and partner with their organization to help move
the needle.
As
2016 came to a close, I have had one client. They need me to make sense of some
data they collected. A perk of getting a Ph.D. was learning to use
quantitative analysis. The data was a mess, but I thought hey, if I can make a
cake out this mud, then I am off and running. I also thought this was one of my
golden cup and something that differentiates me from another consultant.
However,
in the summer of 2016, a major life event occurred, and my family and I moved
the United Arab Emirates for a new teaching position (I need to pay the bills).
So, at this point in nearly two -years, I had one paying client...one. Talk
about a kick in the pants. However, being slightly optimistic, I was excited
about the move to the U.A.E. because the government had recently started the
Happiness Ministry (it works to create a healthy and happy population) and as I
saw it, the country’s corporate wellness industry is behind the U.S. by about
5-7 years.
So,
here we are today. I am at a coffee shop in Peniche, Portugal writing my
forthcoming book called, "The Crucible’s Gift: 5 lessons from authentic
leaders who thrive in adversity." I am currently writing the chapter on
integrity, and it got me thinking ‘am I acting with integrity?’ When my answer
was no, I wanted to come clean.
So,
what came of the ‘fake it until you make it’ theory? Over the last three years,
I felt like a fraud. I attended conferences and alluded to clients that I have
and problems I was solving. I would write blog posts that made sweeping
generalizations about who I am as a wellness consultant and the industry as a
whole. I had a podcast where I overtly and intentionally sent the message that
I was consulting with various clients. All lies and all in an attempt to get
business. In my head at each stage, they were little white lies. No one was
hurt, but as the shame and guilt built, my passion began to wane for this
space. As my son would say, “dad, it was an epic fail.”
I
can come up with several reasons why it failed, lack of focus, lack of
cold-calls, limited face time with prospects, etc. I can also give you a host
of the reason that may be justifiable for the failure, like I had my fourth kid
(4 children under 9), had a full-time job working at a university, and the
podcast. Moreover, with only so much time in the day, something had to give.
These life events do not make the charade of success ok. There are many great
individuals I have met while pursuing corporate wellness and have always felt
sorry for the white lies told. I hope they can forgive me, but only time will
tell.
So,
at this point, Brave Endurance in its current state dead. Writing the upcoming
book has been much fun, and allowed me to continue to grow and learn more about
my skills and what I am passionate about. Where the book will take me is
anyone's guess, but all that matters to me moving forward is living an
authentic life, and a part of that is being honest and transparent and not
engaging in behaviors that create shame or remorse. I can now take this one off
that list.
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